Satire. This story is fiction. The roasting is sincere and the scores are real.

It was a good run. For seven weeks, two proud members of this league went through the Shotgun Rule unscathed, collecting nothing but self-satisfaction and the occasional smug text. Brett Pinholster and Jeff Marsicano were the last clean owners in the league, and in Week 8 both of them started a player who scored 0.0, and the sober club died with the rest of the fantasy football season's dignity.

Brett's kicker, Will Reichard, scored 0.0 in a 100-point loss, which is the most Brett thing a kicker has ever done. Jeff's receiver, Chris Godwin Jr., scored 0.0 in a 65-point loss at home, which is the most Jeff thing a receiver has ever done. Both owners now owe the league a beer, filmed and sent before kickoff of the next week's games, as the bylaws say. Both owners have asked whether there is an appeal. There is not. There is a bylaw.

They did not die alone. Tanner Darrell's Michael Penix Jr. scored −1.9, a new league record, and Omar Cooper Jr. added a 0.0 for good measure. Chris Slagh's Zay Flowers scored 0.0, and Andrew Wendt's Tre Tucker did the same. That is six shotguns in one week, the most all year, and 24 on the season. The tracker is, to be clear, having a moment.

Analysts wish to remind everyone that this is a game of leverage and that a zero in a lineup is a choice. 'You can always check the injury report,' said a source who has never checked the injury report. 'You can also not start the kicker.' The kicker, a source close to the league's kickers, would like it known that he did not choose this.

The club will hold a memorial. Attendance is mandatory. Beverages are provided and will be shotgunned.