POWER RANKINGSPower rankings are not standings. Standings tell you what happened. Power rankings tell you what is actually true, and what is actually true this week is that Nguyenning scored 185 and the rest of the league has to live with it. The methodology is unchanged: record (30%), points scored (25%), points allowed (15%), scoring trend over the last three weeks (20%), and upcoming strength of schedule (10%).
| Rk | Team | Prev | Mvmt | Rec | Analyst Take |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Nguyenning | 1 | — | 6-2 | 185.12 points. The model has stopped using the word projection and started using the word apology. |
| 2 | Javaris Jamarr Javarison-Lamar | 3 | ▲1 | 5-3 | 151.30 on the road, no zeros. Stephen says he was always the favorite. For once, nobody argued. |
| 3 | Rashee-d For Speed | 7 | ▲4 | 5-3 | The lowest points allowed in the league and a 154.98 to match. The Commissioner is back. |
| 4 | Bass To Mouth | 6 | ▲2 | 4-4 | Drake Maye is a quarterback for him now and a nightmare for Courtney. Chad has a good thing going. |
| 5 | Dakstreets Back, Alright! | 5 | — | 4-4 | Two straight wins, two straight shotguns. The defense is still the problem. The offense is a delight. |
| 6 | Dart Side of The Beer Mile | 9 | ▲3 | 4-4 | Won by 32 with a quarterback who scored negative. This is either genius or a statistical anomaly. The model is leaning anomaly. |
| 7 | The McGriddle Stack | 2 | ▼5 | 5-3 | 84.90. A kicker who scored zero. A shotgun, a clean streak ended, and a lot of questions. |
| 8 | Myers Diggs Type GFYS | 8 | — | 4-4 | Three shotguns on the year and a tendency to start zeros. A talented roster with a hard time choosing. |
| 9 | Chasing Last Place | 4 | ▼5 | 4-4 | 85.50 at home and a zero from Godwin. The name has never been more of a joke. |
| 10 | All Gas No Drakes | 10 | — | 4-4 | Four straight losses and no Drake. A defending champion with a quarterback problem and a naming problem. |
| 11 | Sacrificial Lamb | 11 | — | 2-6 | Back to the regularly scheduled programming. The name fits. |
| 12 | Achane Reaction | 12 | — | 1-7 | 100.76 and still the worst record in the league. Tony is relative. |
Power rankings reflect model output plus editorial judgment and are not the official standings. See the Standings page for official record and seeding.